Dealing with Condemnation from Others
Where does the condemnation from others come from? We know that since we are now in Christ there is NO CONDEMNATION from God because Jesus took the punishment for all of our sins on Himself when He died on the cross. Remember the definition of condemnation is;
“Condemnation is the reality that you have already been judged
as someone undoubtedly guilty and subject to punishment”
He paid for our sins. He took the condemnation and punishment for all of our sins upon Himself and so the debt has been paid and judgment has been satisfied. We are not justified by God and He is free to love us. It is because of His love for us that Jesus died for us. Remember – “For God so LOVED the world …”
Oh, were it that simple in regard to the condemnation from others. The difference is that God loves us unconditionally, with agape love, but others, not so much. We may say to our spouse for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death us do part. However, those words fade to black in the middle of real life which is filled with worse, sickness and death.
When our sexual failures are revealed, our acts of sexual sin online and or with others it is a huge and traumatizing event. The impact of our failures should never be underestimated. It might not have seemed that traumatic, but you have taken out a bat and hit them in the stomach. Their sense of having this spouse who was supposed to be loving and cherishing them is like a crystal punch-bowl dropped on the cement and is shattered into a thousand pieces.
Then the steamroller of who, what, when and where comes by and crushes the thousand broken pieces into crystal dust.
The first step in dealing with the condemnation of others, especially our spouse it to realize that any condemnation they are throwing our way is because they have been deeply wounded. Something inside them has died and their head is spinning trying to figure out if they are even going to be able to survive. The one they should have been able to trust the most has turned out to be a liar and deceiver.
Imagine how much it is throwing salt into the wound to say to them; “You just need to get over it.” Or for someone else to say to them; “You really need to be there for them!”
So, how did I deal with the condemnation from others? I expected it and I accepted it. No defense. No excuses. No blame shifting. Just expecting it and accepting it. Some of it was justified and some of it was not. And do you know to whom I turned to when having fresh helpings of condemnation thrown on top of me? Who do you think? Jesus, of course.
We have never experienced from anyone the condemnation the Jesus experienced in the hours leading up to His death. He was completely innocent of any sin at all yet had to endure the brutal beatings of the Roman soldiers, the thousand cuts from the words of the crowd, and the deeply embarrassing shame of being crucified between two thieves, naked and exposed.
Condemnation … I cannot even begin to experience in the worst of my days what Jesus went through. Yet, He cried out; “Father forgive them …”
When you are experiencing some condemnation for you sin, which should be expected don’t face your accuser and try to defend yourself. Turn your gaze upon Christ who completely understands what you are feeling and ask Him for the grace you need to handle that moment.
These words might help …
- You are right.
- I am sorry.
- I was wrong.
- Please forgive me.