It is 5:29 AM and I am up, awake, after tossing and turning in bed for the last hour even though I didn’t turn off the lights last night until 12:58 this morning. I figure it must be withdrawal. I just might be a professional at going through withdrawal. I have gone through it with when I stopped playing video games, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee, eating candy, looking at porn and now this.
This withdrawal might be the worst withdrawal I have ever gone through and I am less than 36 hours going through it. Sure, I can always give in to the temptation, but there is only one more chance to get a fix in the near future and that is two days away. 48 hours of hell. I managed to get through the last 40 highs and now I am down to one. Withdrawal is a bitch.
I should have seen it coming and been better prepared. You could say I have somewhat of an addictive personality but when they just keep throwing this stuff at us who can resist? I remember when it wasn’t so bad. There used to be a limited supply of this stuff and maybe you could get 4 or 5 good highs. That wasn’t too bad. It wasn’t enough to trigger this obsessive-compulsive behavior pattern.
However, not anymore. I have gone from three to five hits a year when I was a kid to now needing 41 and then comes the withdrawal. I think my habitual behavior is a direct result of a gradual consumption over the years. Sure, nobody was the wiser when I was burning through 16 hours of this one day a year. Now I need the whole 656 hours and it always leaves me wanting more. 652 hours of using with now, only about 4 hours left.
Then I just have to get through this withdrawal until the next crop begins to arrive and there will be a fresh 1548 opportunities to keep this monkey off my back.
You are probably wondering what kind of substance addiction am I talking about? Well, it is more like a behavioral addiction. It is not something you ingest but doing it over and over again does involve mass quantities of food being consumed as well as millions of bottles of beer. And talk about expensive … billions if not trillions of dollars are spent each year on this stuff.
I am ashamed to have to admit this addiction to you. Would a hint help you figure it out? How shall I put it so that my shame does not eat me alive? Ok, I am just going to blurt it out and please don’t see me as the pathetic loser I am. I was raised on this stuff and it was in our home even when I was a child. I am not going to blame my parents for causing this addiction. I have to own it for myself because nobody was putting a gun to my head. Of course … I am talking about my addiction to college football.
40 bowl games finished and only 4 more hours left until the next season. I am having night sweats and nightmares about little yellow flags being thrown on every other play as another offensive lineman twitches before the snap or another blocking in the back penalty on the punt. Seriously, why oh why can’t they learn from their mistakes. Thank God for the hurry-up offense so that each game has more and more plays.
And what moron thought up the idea that a play needs to come under further review? And we wait for an eternity to see if his toe crossed the line or if the ball crossed the plane. I mean wouldn’t it be easier to have a sniper in the press box and if the ref blows the call, they just shoot him and bring in another? Sure, it would be messy but even that could be entertaining and add some high drama to the game.
41 bowl games and now only 1 left. Shudder the thought. Some of the names of these bowl games are amusing. I mean the Gasparilla Bowl??? Who or what the hell is Gasparilla??? Did you know there is a Gasparilla Bowl? You do now. Jose Gaspar was a mythical Spanish pirate supposedly out of South Florida and now he has his own bowl game. Or, how about the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl … is there really a potato that is famous enough to have its own bowl? Are the players in that bowl studs or spuds?
And last but not least the Redbox Bowl? Seriously??? A bowl named after a big red metal box that has DVD’s inside where you have to go and put your money in and bring the movie home to watch it in the day of the internet, Netflix, Hulu, Sling, Roku and Apple TV? They are probably strategically placed in from of all the old Blockbuster stores. And the name is as exciting as the score where Oregon beat Michigan State 7 to 6 … yawn.
I am officially titling the National Championship Game in 2 days the Who Cares Bowl. I mean Alabama and Clemson … again? I think I will watch a rerun of the Army-Navy game instead.
Really though … I am going to be ok. I can make it through this withdrawal from college football. I can just go down to my man cave with some nachos and a Dr. Pepper and watch the grass grow at the upcoming season of professional golf … or maybe a 12 pack of Dos Equis as I fall asleep watching professional baseball.