Have you ever been tempted by this really stupid thought? We rationalize in our minds that if we look at porn and act out sexually then that is better than actually cheating on our wife or hooking up with some for sex. Whether that be paying for sex with someone or having “friends with benefits” do you really imagine that nobody is getting hurt???
Even if it is just masturbating to fantasy in your mind the truth is you are hurting yourself and the quality of all your relationships. How can I say that? Because it is carrying out an act that causes you shame. These activities have the impact of causing us to feel anger and guilt. When we are feeling anger and guilt it impacts the way we interact with one another. We keep a shield up and put on a happy face when inside we are sad, ashamed, and feel worthless.
It is when you have nothing to hide that you can truly be free. To be able to be completely open and honest with those around you is healthy for you and helpful for them.
Playing hide and go seek with children is something fun and exciting. Hiding from God and others is another thing altogether. Remember what happened to Adam and Eve right after they both ate the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden?
“When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so, they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”
This fascinates me. They eat a piece of fruit and suddenly they realize they are naked. Nakedness was all they had ever known. It is not like there is anyone else around sporting a new animal skin coat. Yet, something changed inside of them that caused them to take actions they had never even thought of doing before. They felt the need to cover their nakedness.
My question is covering their nakedness from who? The only ones there are Adam and Eve. They have known nothing of the need to cover themselves. However, it was because sin had now entered the world and the impact of sin is to create the need to cover ourselves. To hide what before was completely open. And in hiding their nakedness from each other they were no longer completely connected. What had before been complete openness and honesty is now concealed.
Then, of course, they also tried to hide from God.
My point is this. Sin, from the very beginning, when it entered the perfect world God had created immediately made Adam and Eve feel the need to cover up. Before that moment they felt no need to cover themselves. There was nothing to hide and no reason to hide. But when sin entered the creation isolation began with a fig leaf.
That is what we still do today when we sin. Millions of people every day are looking at porn and sexually acting out. What percentage of them are doing it alone? This is not some activity to be done in public. We do not want others to see what we are doing or seeing because deep down we know that it is wrong, and we are hurting ourselves. Plus, we are adding another layer of shame on our soul.
Then, for those who are married we are breaking a vow that we made on our wedding day if we promised our spouse, our friends and family members that; “forsaking all others be faithful only to you, for as long as we both shall live.”
One of the most important things we must remember is that when we act out sexually, we are hurting ourselves and everyone we are close to. This is because every sexual sin drives us a little further into isolation and insulates us from being real with one another. It is like when lions are hunting in a pack, they try to separate their meals on heels from the safety of the herd, get them isolated, wounded and then devoured.
One verse that haunted me while I was still living a secret sexual life was Galatians 6:7;
“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked.
A man reaps what he sows.”
Sexual sin will bring a harvest of pain and suffering into your life if it has not done so already. Here is the dilemma we have all faced. I feel like I cannot tell anybody about my sexual sin, but I cannot make it through recovery and find freedom in isolation. Then, if I confess it will blow my whole world apart. I thought that. I was a pastor, husband, father and a seemingly successful man. But God was not mocked and my world needed to be blown up so that God could remake it into what He wanted it to be.
What if I told you there is a place you can go where you can tell the truth, be completely honest and have no condemnation. Where other people who struggle with the same things are there helping each other while learning what the Bible tells us to do in order to find freedom from our sexual addiction. How about these three simple words.
Online Support Teams
Please contact me if you really want to stop hurting yourself and your loved ones and allow God to bring His healing.