We are talking about the critical role Truth plays in our recovery. One of the first and most important things I learned in the early days of my recovery was that telling the truth to my wife was THE one thing needed to help both of us heal. Telling the truth is what rebuilds trust. Trust had been crushed when she learned what a liar I had become. Me being truthful took time and work. So, let’s see how this whole mess got started in the first place.
When God is walking in the garden after Adam and Eve had eaten the fruit the first thing He does is ask;
“Where Are You?”
They heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the evening. I am assuming this was not the first time and perhaps was a daily event but this time everything had changed. Sin has entered the creation and sin had entered them. They knew something had happened. Almost immediately after eating the fruit they both felt something they had never felt before. They realized they were naked and covered their loins.
It says something I find very interesting. It says that as soon as they ate the fruit their eyes were opened. Not like they were walking around with their eyes closed. However, now their eyes were open, and they saw things in a different way. They saw they were naked. It had never bothered them before but for some reason, it did now. They became SELF-CONSCIOUS and immediately wanted to cover themselves up. Then they hid in the trees to try and hide from the Lord.
That is what sin does to us and especially sexual sin. We want to cover it up, delete our history, go incognito and hide what we have done. Something about sexual sin drives us to hide and go into isolation. We have done a completely selfish act which we inherently know is wrong and we cover up and hide. Then we want to stay hidden, so we can wallow in our sin and feast upon its superficial pleasures only to have to come back to reality and stand before God and other people.
Recovery will not progress until you make it an act of your will to say NO to sin and YES to God. To tell the truth to God and to yourself. To stop hiding and start living in the light of truth.
So, let me ask you;
“Where are You?”
If you are hiding, I know several things about you. You are living in fear that someone might discover the truth about your sexual brokenness so that you are pretending to be someone you are really not. You are covering up your sinful behaviors and digging a deeper hole for yourself and satan is telling you if anyone finds out your life will be over.
The truth is that in some ways your life, as it should be in Christ, is not happening. There is no freedom, truth, and walking in the light. Plenty of shame, guilt, and fear all around and you are suffering in your isolation.
The first thing you need to do is, to be honest with God and yourself. To create what I call a sexual sin inventory where you create a list of all the sexual sins you have done or have been done to you. Asking the Spirit of God to help you and protect you as you do this. It will be a difficult thing and it took me 9 hours over a Saturday and Sunday to complete it. When I was finished I sat sobbing in my basement realizing the extent sexual sin had been destroying my life and my loved ones.
I said to God; “I feel like a pile of sh*t.” And I really did feel worthless and a complete failure. Then, I had one of those amazing moments where I heard God speak into my mind. He said to me;
“John, those are the things you have done.
But that is not who you are.
You are my son and I love you!!!”
As I sat there, I felt the love of God wash over me in waves. I felt cleansed and knew that all my sins were completely forgiven. I realized that God still loved me in spite of my sin and it was a healing moment in my recovery.
Why? Because I told God and myself the truth. I told God and myself where I had been and what I had done, not the details but just the facts. It was a moment when some of God’s healing increased in my life and in my recovery.