If You Demand Perfection … Good Luck – blog
This has been a very interesting week for me. Something has happened that has never happened to me in the last 13+ years of my recovery. To put it simply, I have been rejected. Allow me to explain.
Several weeks ago, I was contacted by a man looking for help dealing with his sexual addiction. I invited him to sit in on an Online Support Team. After the meeting, we talked more about the 180 program and how he could participate in an OST. He said he wanted to do that and hire me as his Sex Addiction Coach. He was very sincere about his need to experience God’s healing transformation in his life. We had our first coaching session, and everything was looking very good.
Part of my coaching plan is to offer to the men one session to meet with their wife to explain to her how the program works and my background. This is normally very helpful and encouraging to the spouse. I tell my story and am very clear and truthful about my own recovery and explain that over the past 13+ years I have had 8 times where I have slipped and fallen and acted out with masturbation, or porn or both.
I do this because it is the truth and I do not want anyone to think more highly of me than they should. Well, for this couple that was a deal breaker. They did not want to have someone like me being paid for my services if I was having any falls in my life.
Almost everyone I tell seems to understand that 8 falls in 13½ years is pretty amazing after having been seriously addicted to sex for over 8 years. I believe that those 8 falls have taught me very important information about myself, my recovery, and what I needed to do in order to continue to grow and be transformed into a more Christlike man.
I have no doubt that these two fellow Christians are good and earnest believers. They want the best for their marriage and family and so they want to have someone helping him who has been walking in purity for years without having any falls. I think that is a good thought but very hard to find.
I do know Dr. Doug Weiss has taken a polygraph every year for the past 30 years and has not fallen in that time. He also makes his counselors take a polygraph each year to ascertain they are continuing to walk in sexual purity. I am actually going to call them today and see what they do if a counselor has a fall from looking at porn or masturbating. Should be an interesting conversation.
Here is why I am sharing this with you. I want everyone to know the truth about me. It has been an incredible journey over the past 13+ years. I have learned from each of my falls very important information to help others. It has made me practice what I preach and learn from my mistakes in order to keep moving forward in my recovery.
It has also been where I have learned the most about helping others who are sexually addicted. I know that for every believer, whether they have an addiction or not, we all have a sinful nature, live in a fallen world, and must battle with the forces of darkness.
I do not believe God zaps people and instantly makes them completely holy. Could He do that? Of course, He can. However, His plan for all of us is to learn how to walk in the Spirit and have a community of other believers helping one another day by day.
I rejoice in the healing that I have received so far and will continue to do what God calls each of us to do on a daily basis. I believe I am far more transformed as a result of this journey and look forward to the day when I will be completely transformed and forever will live in pure holiness. Which will certainly happen the day I set foot in heaven.
Until then it is fighting one day at a time in the power of His might and in the community of 180 Ministries and our Online Support Teams.