Preparation for Primary School ~ blog

Children need to know certain things before they can begin attending primary school. Stuff like saying or singing the alphabet, identify colors in an 8-count crayon pack, write their first name, and be able to say their parent’s name and a phone number. Plus, some non-academic things like how to use the bathroom, cough into their elbow, and wash their hands with soap.

The same is true for those of us who really and truly want to begin our recovery from sexual brokenness.  There are going to be tests and exams and some stuff that is really hard to learn. I don’t remember having to do algebra in primary school.  That came in High School.

So, what are the most basic fundamental things we need to do before we can progress into the process of becoming a more Christ-like person? It never works to put the cart before the horse.  So first we need to find the cart, figure out what we need to have in it, and how do I get the horse who will take me forward in my recovery? (feel free to substitute whatever animal fits your culture like dogsled team, camel, elephant, etc…)

Before we can enter the kindergarten of recovery, we must start with being honest.  Honest with God.  Honest with ourselves. And honest with others.  I know that thought scares some of you so much you will rationalize this away and go back to your isolation and keeping your sins a secret. However, if you have hit rock bottom and realize that isolation is a prison from which there is no escape you might be ready to start being honest.

Let’s start with being honest with God and ourselves.  One of the things I was taught early in my recovery from experts in this field is that I needed to create my own sexual sin inventory or history.  I did not want to do that. There were 40 years of acting out.  But that is what many people well educated in sexual addictions were saying needed to be done.

So, over one weekend I sat in my basement with my laptop, created a spreadsheet, and was planning to write down every sexual sin that I had committed.  Realizing that would be impossible I prayed and asked the Spirit to guide me through the years of my life and to help me write down just the basics of how old I was and in general terms what happened. Please do this and ask the Spirit to protect you from memories that might be traumatic.  You do not need to go into details … just your age, the basics of what happened and move on.

Nine hours later, the list I started on Saturday and finished on Sunday, was complete.  I did not try and rush the process.  I wrote down the things the Spirit brought to my mind. There were 9 pages of notes covering 40 years of sexual sin.  As I sat there looking at how much sexual sin had impacted my life and every relationship I had with females, I began to weep.

Sorrow was oppressing me, and I felt like I was in a dark cloud of grief and conviction.  I realized how much of my life was negatively impacted by my sinful addictive choices.  However, as I sat there in pain and self-loathing I said to my Father;

“Father I feel like a Pile of Shit!”

Sorry for the curse word but that is literally what I said.  However, at that moment, something completely unexpected happened.  I heard my Father speaking back to me.  I heard these words in my mind;

“John, those are the things you have done.

They are not who you are.

You are my son and I love you.”

As I sat there in silence, I continued to weep but literally felt waves of forgiveness wash over me.  I already knew my sins were forgiven.  However, at that moment I felt the forgiveness of all my sins … even all of my sexual sins washing over me and washing away that dark history of my life.

I had been doing what almost all of us do and that is confusing what we do with who we are. We identify ourselves and who we are by our sin.  Sin is not who we are.  Sin is what we do. And there is a huge difference between the two.

For example, as it would be incorrect for me to stand up in and meeting and say; My name is John and I am a sex addict.  Do I have a sexual addiction? Yes, but it is not my identity.  I am a new creation in Christ who struggles with sexual brokenness.

The first view is focusing on your sin and the things you have done and are doing.  It can be all-consuming at times and you feel imprisoned by your lusts, losing hope you will ever be free. You feel God has stopped loving you and has rejected you because you cannot seem to stop this highly addictive behavior.

My friends, that is not true.  Those are lies. I am told in the Bible that there is nothing that can separate me from the love of God.  He has sealed me with the Spirit as a guarantee of my inheritance in heaven.  He has forgiven all of my sins and no matter how deep I have fallen into sexual sin He still wants to help me change. And He promises He will finish this work in me.

So, before we go to primary school, we need to be honest with God and with ourselves. Go down into the basement of your life where you have tossed all those memories and sexual deeds and ask the Lord to take the garbage out.  You have confessed them to God and you have confessed them to yourself and you are ready for the next step before you can go off to kindergarten.

More tomorrow …

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