The Problem with the Point of No Return ~ blog
The problem with knowing where our Point of No Return exists is that it is not stationary. It is not always in the same place. If we were only tempted at the same time and in the same way, then we could figure out where and when it is and better be able to avoid it.
This is a problem for us because since we cannot always know the when, where, and how we will be tempted we cannot always know where this point of no return exists. Sometimes, we can know when, where, and how we will be tempted while other times temptation comes out of nowhere and we are caught off-guard.
So, to try and figure this out let’s classify our temptations into two groups.
Predictable and Unpredictable
Predictable temptations are those times when we have fallen before or are times when we are normally tempted. For me those times were;
- While trying to go to sleep I would be tempted to fantasize.
- While bored at work and feeling stressed about any number of things.
- While traveling out of town for business.
- When my wife is out of town on a trip.
- When my wife and I have an argument and I feel rejected by her.
Over the years of my recovery I have learned that if I am in any of these situations, I needed to create a plan of action so that I am doing something positive instead of turning to lust and escape with another sexcapade. So, I have learned that if I am getting exercise it is easier for me to fall asleep because I am tired. If I am not tired, I occupy my mind with any number of things to keep from pulling up a fantasy or replaying a memory from my porn library in my mind.
Over the years these things have been helpful to me while trying to go to sleep;
- Memorizing Scriptures
- Quoting and meditating on Scriptures I have memorized
- Singing worship songs in my mind
- Remembering good memories from my life
By doing this I am avoiding the temptation I know is coming if I am lying there awake and therefore do not reach the point of no return. I have learned that I can choose what my mind focuses on even if I cannot control every thought that enters my mind. Plus, I know that if I play around with sexual thoughts there is a much greater chance that I will have a fall … which I have already determined in my mind, while thinking rationally, I do not want to do ever again.
If I am bored at work and do not have anything that I have to be doing I have a plan for those times as well. The last thing I need to be doing when I am bored at any time of the day is to not have a plan of what I am going to do. I must make sure that I choose something that helps me avoid temptation. I bet that when you are bored you turn to social media to see what your friends are up to. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube are always going to be places of temptation. They can be the worst places to go when you are bored because I guarantee you the point of no return will be only one click away.
So, I deal with my boredom quickly by getting up from my computer, putting down my smartphone, turning off my tablet and discover that there is life away from the internet. I do something else that I enjoy or is good for me like going for a walk.
Doing these things is what I call doing the work of your recovery. Things are not going to change until you make the effort to change them. You have a certain amount of control over your schedule and if you do not have a plan for getting through the day, or weekend, or business trip, or alone time at home, I guarantee your enemy has a plan to take you out.
Recovery from our sexual brokenness is hard work and very difficult in the beginning. Learning from our mistakes and setting new boundaries with strong consequences is an ongoing process. However, if you are doing the work, anticipating when you will be tempted and taking steps to avoid that temptation you will begin to make progress as you maintain the process of making good decisions and getting the support you need from others.
I know you may be getting tired of me saying this, but I only repeat it because it is so absolutely true …
A Lone Sheep is a Dead Sheep!
You will not escape your sexual brokenness by yourself and in isolation. We have 12 Online Support Teams and there is room for you in one of them. If not, I will start a new group with just you and myself. We will work through the 180 Recovery Program together and others will join us.
Healing Happens in Community
Contact me if you want to know more.