Deleting Sexual Images and Memories ~ blog
I wonder how many of you think about your brain or mind in a negative way. Certainly, over the years, we have created quite an adult bookstore in our memory banks and there is a well-worn path from years of returning to it for another time of fantasy and escape.
For me, that battle was almost every night while trying to go to sleep. I have never been able to fall asleep quickly and so for years, I would play either sexual fantasies that I had developed since my teenage years or replaying actually sexual experiences from my past. Or, I could even start from scratch, take a person I saw or met that day and create my own fantasy of what we might do together.
One of the side effects of doing that was to make me unsatisfied with having sexual intimacy with my wife. This is exactly what is going on with people who have grown up viewing hard-core porn and come into a marriage with totally unreal expectations. In fact, yesterday I read that some couples are injuring themselves trying to do what they have seen being done in porn.
So, in Brain Wars, we need to remove the things we have stored in our minds that are all related to sexual sin. No easy task for those of us with decades of memories and a countless number of fantasies. However, it can be done but it will take a consistent effort on your part and the power of the Holy Spirit doing His work between our ears.
I have written and filmed the 180 Recovery Program which consists of 25 videos and a workbook which have been helping hundreds of men learn what a Christian and Christ-centered recovery looks like. THE very first video has to do with this issue. I like to call it taking out the garbage.
I would urge you to do this exercise to begin to win the Brain War you are in. It is not an original idea with me, but one found in almost every addiction recovery program. Over the years we have collected a large number of sexual thoughts and experiences which we store in the basement of our mind so that we can access them whenever we want. Well, it is time to take out the garbage.
This exercise we call Creating Our Sexual Sin Inventory. It is very difficult to do, and the world, the flesh, and the devil will do everything they can to keep you from doing it. Like the demons Jesus cast out of the crazy man who lived in the tombs they will not want to leave. However, Jesus cast them out and sent them into a large herd of pigs creating the very first account of deviled ham.
Here is how to create your sexual sin inventory and I warn you it will not be easy, but the end result is extremely worth it. Keeping all these things in our mind as secrets destroy your efforts to walk away from sexual sin and keeps you living in shame and self-condemnation. So, I strongly urge you to begin to purge this garbage out of your mind through this exercise.
Here is how I did it and have helped hundreds of men to do the same.
First, you need to set aside an amount of time where you can be alone and undisturbed. For me, that was easy because our kids were all grown up and we were almost empty nesters. I went to my basement, sat in my recliner, took out my computer and started working on the inventory. I wanted to keep this information private, so I created a locked file on my computer and buried it in some file within a file within a file.
The first thing you need to do is to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to protect you and for Him to bring to mind the things you need to remember. The idea is that you write down how old you were and either what happened to you or what you did to someone else or both. However, just jot down how old you were and the basics of what happened.
DO NOT GO INTO THE DETAILS!!!
Just your age and the basics of what happened. Especially if there was sexual abuse involved this could trigger you or cause you emotional pain. If that starts to happen stop and take a break. You do not have to do this all in one sitting. I took 9 hours over a Saturday and Sunday and ended up with 9 pages of sexual sins I had committed.
When I finished I felt really broken. I looked it all over and perhaps for the first time in my life realized the gravity of my sexual sin and how it had ruined almost every relationship I had ever had with the females in my life. I was devasted and I sat there sobbing. I said to my Father …
I feel like a pile of sh*t!
Because I did. And as I sat there in silence before my heavenly Father, I heard these words in my mind …
John, those are the things you have done.
It is not who you are.
You are my son and I love you!!!
As I sat there, waves of forgiveness and love were washing over me. It was one of the most profound experiences I have ever had with God. Knowing that all of my sins were forgiven and that my Father loves me unconditionally.
That is what I desire for you. That is how you begin to win your Brain War. This is something that you should share with only one other person who you know loves you and will not judge you. I gave it to my counselor and have not looked back at it since. My Father will not remember my sins and lawless deeds … and neither should I.
More Tomorrow …