In 1991, a film was released called The Silence of the Lambs. It cost $19 million to make and has grossed over $272.7. It was a great American Horror-Thriller film. In the film, Jody Foster plays a young FBI trainee, seeks the advice of the imprisoned Dr. Hannibal Lecter to apprehend another serial killer.
I am thinking of a sequel called The Silence of the Clams. It is a murder mystery of the billions of Christians who are being slowly killed by their porn addiction yet remained clammed up and won’t talk to anyone about it.
I hear about it and read about it on a daily basis. I call it the side effect of sexual brokenness. We have this sin in our lives, which is so common that the numbers would astound you, but since we have so much shame, we are afraid of what will happen if we tell anyone. If you are a man in a church and open up to another man in your church, there is at least a 60% chance that they have the same struggle. If you are a woman that number is more around 30%.
But it is this fear and shame that causes the silence of the clams. Look, I know the fear because I lived with it for 8 years. I was the Senior Pastor, so I know this shame and what is at stake if you were to get honest. This powerful fear of being found out keeps you in the darkness and you believe that you cannot tell anyone.
So, you think you have 3 options.
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Tell the truth and live with the consequences.
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Keep it a secret and just live with it – after all, it does give me some pleasure.
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Just keep trying to quit without anybody finding out.
Now options 2 and 3 always seem the best because they are the most painless. But let me be blunt …
How many years have you been trying those options and failing?
As your addiction grows deeper and you are acting out with more frequency and intensity rest assured that God will keep His promise in Galatians 6:7;
“Do not be deceived:
God cannot be mocked.
A man reaps what he sows.”
So, here is the choice if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired of all this crap. Either you will be found out by your wife, friend, boss or kids and there is going to be a major train wreck with the likelihood of your survival being minimal. Or, you can step forward and be honest with someone who can help you. Which is, I promise you … a thousand times better.
Well, if you are reading this you have already taken that step because you reached out to me, but I am afraid your expectations are too high. Reading an email, even daily, is not going to fix the problem. It can be helpful and encourage you, but it is not THE solution, it is only part of the solution.
So, here is the choice you face …
- Keep doing what you have been doing which is not working and wait for the train wreck to happen.
- You take the first step and find someone you can safely be honest with about what has happened and what you have fallen into.
“But there will be repercussions!!!”
Yes, there will be. But you are already having repercussions. You are living in fear and shame, angry at yourself, clammed up so nobody knows the real you and destroying any chance you might have at having any real intimacy with another person and even with God.
You live with deep feelings of shame and that you are the only one with this problem. Well, let me tell you the one statistic I believe is absolutely true … every Christian man must learn to deal with sexual temptation. Some can handle it … but most do not. Porn is just too available, too effective a relief from stress, and feels too good … for a time. Then the shame and self-condemnation return, and you are tempted to act out again.
Listen, 180 Ministries has a solution that will help you. Two years ago, we began Online Support Teams and now there are 12 of them with over 100 men getting the help and support they need to begin to experience more freedom.
They are receiving weekly accountability, working through my biblical and Christ-centered program, have a place where they can tell the truth with no condemnation and find other men who are there helping one another. PLUS – there is daily support by the men texting one another and calling one another so that nobody has to be alone.
You want to do it but are afraid. I’ve been there but I promise you there is life after “The Silence of the Clams” ends. Email me at doyel@me.com for information on how to visit one of our OSTs as my guest. That email can become the starting point of a real recovery from sexual brokenness.
