Yesterday we looked at the idea of there being true intimacy without sex. It is simple to see that in our world the idea of intimacy has become the thought of having sex with someone. So, the solution to feelings of loneliness becomes being sexually aroused and having an orgasm.
However, as the moment’s pass and the waves of pleasure cease, we realize that our desire for sex may have been satiated but our longing for intimacy still remains unfulfilled. Sexual desires and sexual actions even with complete strangers have this amazing ability to take us out of our present reality and almost instantly change the way we are feeling and what we are thinking.
You might dread having to begin to do your taxes but turn on some porn and your entire mind becomes zeroed in on the images or videos. Connections, neurological pathways in your brain start firing up. Your eyes focus while your pulse…and other things increase. Your brain starts pumping out testosterone and dopamine and in a matter of seconds, you start feeling great.
You do not need to have a drink or take a pill. Just seeing something sexual brings delight to your brain and body like fresh meat for the sharks at SeaWorld.
Now God was the one who thought all of this up and for very good reasons. And I would say that the first reason was not so that Adam and Eve would start to make babies. It was for them to experience something that was incredible and fun. He covered their skin with millions of nerve endings that respond to touch. He made it possible for there to only be a limited time each month when pregnancy could occur.
However, God created us with this desire within us to experience intimacy. We want to have someone who not only knows us but loves us. We long to feel a closeness with someone where we can share our deepest thoughts and experiences and a bond develops. As this bond grows our relationship becomes stronger and we feel safer with that person.
This certainly is what is supposed to happen within a marriage, however, that is something that takes time and effort. And if a secret enters into the life of one and is not shared with the other a separation begins to develop. There is an unsettling feeling that may go undetected but nevertheless it is there, and it will grow. And lovers begin to drift apart sharing less and less while trying to mask reality by using sex.
Yesterday we learned that it is possible for us to have intimacy without having sex. Two best friends feel a bond of intimacy with each other that time and experiences have created and yet nothing sexual has happened. However, the intimacy we are all created to experience is not with flesh and blood but with God. Because when you have intimacy with God, He and He alone has the capacity to make you whole.
He can make anyone feel complete, whole, and alive and none of it depends on having sex. It comes from our feeling completely and unconditionally loved by Him. It comes from knowing that He loved us and chose us before the creation of the world. The extent of His love was demonstrated with Jesus being crucified on the cross to pay for all our sins. It comes from God the Father sealing us with the Holy Spirit to dwell inside of our bodies from the moment of saving faith into eternity. And knowing that we are going to live forever in heaven with Him where we will be made perfect, holy, immortal with no sin or evil to have to deal with ever again.
Have you ever had that God? God alone can fill the emptiness you feel inside. That the answer to loneliness is not marriage to another person who is also broken and as unable to fix you as you are to fix them?
The answer to having a life of contentment and joy is to be filled with the only One who can truly fill you. To love and be loved by the One who knows absolutely everything there is to know about you…and loves you anyway. Who sees the pain and the wounds you have and desires to heal them and make you whole.
And who accepts you completely even when you keep making promises you will not keep or offering sacrifices for your sins when His One Sacrifice has already washed away all of your sins.
The need for intimacy we were all born with can only be fulfilled by God. And once that relationship is secured through faith in Christ then the process begins of us opening ourselves up to Him and allowing Him to begin to change us into the people He wants us to be.
And when we are being made complete by His Spirit doing a work of transformation inside of us, we can feel whole and complete whether we have sex again or not. I know…that sounds like crazy heresy in today’s sex-filled culture where people are pouring in so much false intimacy with sexual sin. But it never satisfies and always leaves you hungry for more and more and more.
If there is one thing I have learned during my 14+ years of my journey it is not that sex is what I need. It is a deepening and growing relationship with God by being filled with and walking in the Spirit and having Him transform me into a more Christ-like man.
This is what we all need, and I am going to call it Transformational Growth. Tomorrow let’s begin to learn what we need to do for the Spirit to begin to transform us into followers of Christ who are being changed into more godly and fulfilled people.