Will You Join Me? I Could Really Use Your Help! ~ blog
When I have the opportunity to speak to groups of men, I like to start with making them laugh. Humor from those seeking our attention is one of the best tools to get our attention because like it or not, humor is a stress reliever and the Lord knows we could use some stress relief in these times in which we find ourselves living.
So, I say to the listeners; “Do you know what God said to Ezekiel? He said;
“I am looking for a man to stand in the _________!”
And usually, there are several men who fill in that space with the correct answer, which is the word “GAP”. God said the Ezekiel that He was looking for a man to stand in the GAP.
Then I say; “GAP???” Oh…I thought He said Crap…He was looking for a man to stand in the Crap of their sexual sin and help them get out.” There is usually a nervous laugh that sweeps over the room and now they know that I am there to talk straight to them because all of them to one degree of another they are struggling with secret sexual sins.
Though I say it in a joking way it is not a laughing matter.
The vast majority of men and an increasing percentage of women are finding sexual pleasure being a great way to deal with the stress and pain of life. It is completely available almost anywhere and anytime and it gives us not only incredible pleasure but just going on the hunt to find what turns you on is exciting.
Unfortunately, it is so good and effective that we want it more and more and it becomes highly addictive. Literally it creates a drug addiction in our brain that, like any addiction, grows stronger and stronger as we grow weaker and weaker in our ability to resist.
Yesterday, I introduced the idea relative to your recovery that I call 50/50. Initially, when someone realizes that sexual addiction is destroying everything they hold dear they get desperate and look for a solution. Through some means, you have found 180 and are reading this email or listening to my podcasts. You have come to realize that you need help and that is what God has called me to do.
Now here is something that I have learned after working on my own recovery for 14+ years and helping other people with their recovery for about 12 years. Let me use an illustration to teach this to you.
You have fallen into quicksand. Now I have never been in quicksand and maybe it is just something Hollywood made up but one thing we have learned about quicksand is this. Once you fall into it you cannot get out on your own. The more you struggle the deeper in you sink until eventually your head goes under and you drown.
However, if someone just happens to be on the edge of the vat or quicksand and they can lean over and grab your hand, they can help pull you out. They are able to do that because they used to be where you are now and there was someone on the edge who was able to grab their hand and help them. So that person is still pulling on the other person who used to be in the middle, but is now on the edge and is grabbing onto your hand.
They have leverage because someone is pulling on their left hand while they are pulling you with their right hand. This is not a case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing because it knows exactly what it is doing…it is saving the next person’s life just as someone helped saved their life.
Fifty percent of your own recovery will be someone giving you the help you need. AND the other fifty percent of your recovery will be you helping someone else in their recovery.
Pretty simple isn’t it??? However, I often find that this is not the case. Sexual sin is embarrassing. We are often too ashamed to tell others and so while we are being pulled out of the quicksand, we are learning what we need to learn and doing what we need to do, and once we get out to be praise God and run off back to our lives. Can you guess what happens next???
Because we still have a sin nature inside of us and live in this fallen world where porn and sex are free and easy to find, especially when it is trying to find us, we slide back into the quicksand again and are back where we started. I wish that were not the case. I wish there were a shot we could get and never fall into sexual sin again…but there is not.
The next lesson we all need to learn is this. Once we have been helped out of our own addiction to sexual sin, we need to begin helping others get out of theirs. As we teach these valuable and biblical truths to others, they become ingrained in our own minds and our own schedules.
But something even greater than that happens. Just as there is a joy that happens as you begin to solidify your recovery and having longer periods of sobriety there is even a greater joy and that is seeing the same thing happen to someone else and perhaps even a lot of someone else’s … or others. And that is the law of 50/50. Actually, it is called a law in a different way in the Bible.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
You see Jesus did not consider being equal to God the Father and God the Spirit something He had to hold onto. But He stepped down. He emptied Himself and became a man. He jumped into the quicksand of our world and died for us so that He can save us. And He wants us to follow Him and do what He did for you.
I strongly encourage you that if you are being helped out of your quicksand by someone then see if they know of someone else to whom you can be a lifesaver and do for them what someone did for you because you could not do it yourself.
Is there someone you can help with their sexual addiction? Whether you are in the middle of your own quicksand or are on the edge because someone helped you I can introduce you to others who would love to have you helping them.
Do the second half of your recovery by helping someone else do their first half. I promise you it is the missing piece in your own recovery.