Core Competency # 2 – Comprehending Forgiveness ~ blog
We are learning what I believe to be the 10 core competencies that we need to know and do if we are going to become unentangled from this sin that has so easily entangled us. Yesterday, we learned that we begin by learning the truth about ourselves. We do that by asking the Holy Spirit to help us make a fearless inventory of our sexual sins so that we might realize the place in which we find ourselves.
This is so important because we all have the ability to compartmentalize our lives. We forget the parts of our past. We minimize, rationalize, and even lie to ourselves that things are not as bad as they seem. Bringing the truth into the light reveals that things are not as bad as they seem…they are worse. So, it is time to unload this garbage through acknowledgment, repentance, and confession.
Through the death and resurrection of Jesus, the penalty has been fully paid for ALL of your sins. ALL of your past sins. ALL of your present sins. ALL of your future sins. And when you accepted Christ to be your Savior the power of His shed blood washes all of those sins away. All of them? Yes, all of them. We are told this in Hebrews 10:14;
“For by a single offering he has perfected for all time
those who are being sanctified.”
And in Colossians 2:13-14;
“When you were dead in your transgressions and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our transgressions, having canceled out the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.”
The forgiveness of God for all our sins is complete and final. Unconditional because of the work of Christ and given to us as part of the free gift salvation. And with that forgiveness, we have been granted sonship and daughtership. Given eternal life as made members of His family and He promises to never leave us or forsake us.
So, this is why we need to comprehend the full forgiveness of God for all of our sins. Stop listening to the lies from the devil that God has grown tired and disgusted with us and has rejected us. No…He knew all of our sins before the creation of the world and He chose us in spite of our sins. That is why we are saved by grace and not works…being given what we do not and never will deserve as a free gift…eternal life is ours.
Unfortunately, some of us do not receive this same forgiveness from others like our spouse, our children, our friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though the Bible makes it clear that we are to forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us there is a problem that will have to be worked through.
When one spouse breaks the vows on which their marriage began it can be devastating to our loved ones. It is no small thing to hear that you have been unfaithful to your wife by either porn or adultery. It wounds them and wounds them dramatically. It traumatizes them. And suddenly they now have a battle on their hands.
I believe that when a spouse learns of their partner’s infidelity either online or in person, we have placed upon them a great temptation. It will be a temptation as difficult for them as our temptation to look at porn and act out. So, do not expect that your spouse or family will instantly forgive you because Jesus tells them to. No, their flesh kicks and they will have to work through a lot of issues that you have placed upon them.
Some of you would be scared to death to confess your sins to your wife. I understand that. It was 15 years ago today that I confessed my sexual sins to my wife. Now she is an incredibly strong woman who also has a strong faith. Her brother died when she was 3. Her father died when she was in high school. Her mother died when she was in college. Everyone that has ever loved her abandoned her and my sexual sin was another blow to her abandonment issues.
Forgiveness between spouses is never easy. If a wife says; “Oh, it’s no big deal. Let’s just love and forgive one another and move forward.” That might be what we would like to hear but it would never be true. Forgiveness from our loved ones is not like the unconditional forgiveness of God.
Even though it is commanded in the Bible that we forgive one another as God has forgiven us this is a very difficult matter. You see, God knew all the sins you would ever commit in your entire life and chose you anyway before the creation of the world. Your spouse had no knowledge of what you would do later in the marriage. All she knew were expectations and hopes that have now been dashed on the rocks
If she did know, she would never have married you. But you made a pledge or a vow to her before God and family, that you would forsake all others and keep yourself for her as long as you both are alive. But now those vows and her trust is shattered and for her to recover from that betrayal and forgive you will be as difficult for her as avoiding sexual temptation will be for you.
Yes, forgiveness is commanded but so is sexual purity. You can help her forgive you by doing what you say you want to do. I promised my wife I would never have any sexual contact with any other person, and she gave me the chance to prove to her that I would do what I said I wanted to do. It’s been 15 years and I am still doing it…by the grace of God.
Forgiveness from God is unconditional and everlasting. Forgiveness from others is earned one day at a time. Stop allowing the evil one to drive you back into shame and self-loathing. Stand on the firm foundation of the complete forgiveness given to you by the finished work of Christ.