Why Can’t You Stop Looking at Porn? ~ blog

You want to stop.  No really, you really … really want to stop.  I have made promises.  I have tried fresh starts on the New Year.  I have even gone forward in church gotten down on my knees and begged God to help me stop.

However, like that dog that returns to its vomit, I find myself back online watching porn.  What is the real problem?  Is God deaf to my prayers?  Am I not a Christian?  Is God just tormenting me because of my sexual impurity? Will I ever be able to stop because from my past that seems impossible. I am sooooooo tired of making promises I do not keep, and convinced God is done with me.  That sucks and I know because I lived in that place for years.

When any Christian becomes addicted to any kind of addiction whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex, food, gambling stopping those behaviors will be harder than you can ever imagine. Addicts lie to themselves and tell themselves that if they really want to stop, they would be able to stop. Until they try to stop and find it to be a far greater battle than they could ever have imagined.

Porn addiction is an extremely complex issue and there are no simple answers or cookie-cutter solutions.  Most men fall into what I call the Zap Trap.  Praying that God would just heal them, and they will be able to stop without having to fight the fight of recovery.  Could God do that?  Well, sure He can do anything. However, for most people recovery is a long road that must be worked through one step at a time.

After working with hundreds of men in both 180 weekly meetings at church and the men who are in the 180 Online Support Teams, I have seen a pattern that almost all of them go through. They will, perhaps for the first time in their life, begin to have some sobriety.

Some get a day or two and they get excited. Then a week passes and perhaps even a whole month with no porn and no masturbation and they think this deadly thought;

I have done it…I am free!!!

However, they fail to see the enemy lying in the weeds patiently awaiting their next ambush. They ignore or do not believe that for the rest of their lives they are going to have their flesh tempting them to go back to sin, they live in a fallen world where porn is always accessible, and there are demonic powers working against them.

We will be free completely and never sin again eventually, but not in this lifetime. Sure, you desire instant healing and deliverance and you will have it. And you will have it for eternity. Absolutely guaranteed by God. But for the here and now we will have a battle on our hands on a daily basis.

However, in working with hundreds of men over the past 10 years I have learned that He rarely does instant healing.  So, let’s look at 3 Main Reasons why it is so hard to stop looking at porn.

REASON # 1 – PORN IS HIGHLY ADDICTIVE!  Apart from the spiritual battle you are in, by simply being a Christian, you are in a physical battle with a physical addiction.  Literally you have become a drug addict.  The drugs you are addicted to are those released in your brain when you begin to become sexually aroused. 

Those drugs are designed by God and are a wonderful part of His plan for a husband and wife to become bonded as one during the life of their marriage. All 5 of these drugs have a distinct purpose and are marvelously effective.

However, your brain does not differentiate between having sex with your wife or having sex with porn.  The same drugs are released and they have the same effect.  Pleasure, focus, energy, release, and other things happen which make having an orgasm one of the best things God has given to us.

We like it.  We like it a lot.  So, we want it again and again and with that experience being able to be experienced in 5 minutes in the bathroom with your smartphone we start using it more frequently.  When we get stressed.  When we get angry.  When we get tired.  When we are successful. When we are not successful. When there are just problems from which we want to escape … we can easily get a fix that does not fix anything.

Dopamine, testosterone, norepinephrine, oxytocin, and serotonin flood our brains and we feel good for a while.  Then the shame and fear return, and it is not long before we want another escape.  Christians do not like it when I tell them they are drug addicts, but that is the truth.  The drugs are between their ears.  They do not need a pusher.  They are basically free of charge and are extremely effective. Plus, there is no recovery time needed like when you get drunk or stoned. Now, in our culture, we can access whatever things we want to view and get a quick fix within a matter of minutes.

Also, after using we can walk out from wherever we have acted out and we seem fine to everybody.  No hangover.  No place to find where you can sober up. No trace of what you have done…unless you forget to delete your history.

To break free from this addiction takes a lot of work and most men are not ready to fight that battle.  Especially due to reason number 2 which we will look at tomorrow.

Listen you do not need to feel hopeless and defeated. You are failing in this battle because you are remaining isolated and not being part of a community of men fighting the same battle and willing to help you fight yours. I have a number and 3 words for you…

180 Online Support Teams

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