If there are two things sexually broken believers do really well are rationalize and minimize. We rationalize that it is ok to continue looking at porn and we minimize the impact we think it has on us. I mean have you found yourself thinking;
“After all, I am not hurting anyone.”
“Porn and Masturbation is better than having an affair.”
That reasoning is like convincing yourself that jumping out of an airplane at 10,000 is a lot better than jumping out at 40,000 feet. However, both will kill you. At least at 10,000 feet, you would have less time to scream but at 40,000 you would have more time to accept Jesus as Savior…just in case you are not sure where you stand with Him. But I digress…
The fact of the matter is when you use porn and act out you are hurting others including yourself. You are doing something that causes you to feel shame. And when people feel shame, they follow the footsteps of Adam and Eve. They hide from the God who is everywhere, and they cover themselves up from one another.
And when Eve asked Adam; “Does this fig leaf make my butt look big?” Adam said “No” and we have the beginning of lies.
The shame that comes from all sin is like a mold that begins to grow on your soul. You confess it and try to move on…but if you do not really deal with the issues that are causing you to continue in sexual sin then it is always going to be coming back and causing more and deeper damage to you and all of your relationships.
This is especially true of the people that are close to you like your wife and family members. You can be there with them and interacting with them but there is a part of you that you are hiding, and they may not realize it and what is going on…they just feel like you are not really connecting with them. You can say everything is fine when you know it isn’t and most people will never know the difference. But your loved ones will…especially your wife.
This results in you not truly connecting with your spouse and the oneness that is supposed to be there in a marriage is not. And without that connection where they know who you really are, and you know where they really are…the oneness that is supposed to be there is not. The result being you ever so slowly begin to drift apart.
Now let’s consider the idea that looking at porn and pleasuring yourself is better than having an affair doesn’t really work either. I do believe that Jesus Himself told us this;
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Yikes…that sort of pokes a hole in our rationalizations. Like a torpedo blows a hole in a ship this idea reveals something very important. When we give in and do not take the escape God has given us during the temptation whether it is looking at images and videos or hooking up with some in real life…all are acts of adultery.
Now, to my point of what we must not do before the end of the year…don’t lie to yourself as you have probably done for years or decades. You say to yourself;
I will really change this behavior
and it would be best to start on January 1st.
To which I will tell you from years of my own experience it is not best to start on January 1st because if you really want to stop…that is a decision you need to be making every day. There are no restarts and do-overs. There is nothing special about a specific date that has the power to help you make a change especially if you are not going to deal with the root of the problem.
Everything is going to be the same after the start of the new year as it is today relative to your working on your own recovery. Man…I speak from my own experience. Ok, I will once again restart my recovery on January 1st so I can go ahead and still act out until then. Then I would fall and restart on Valentine’s Day. Then I would fall and restart on my birthday in April. Then again on our anniversary in June. Then…well I will try again next year.
Do you see how foolish that is???
The choice to say yes to God, offering your body to Him as a living sacrifice, being filled with and walking in the Spirit while wearing the full armor of God must be an everyday choice. That is why every recovery program in the world is built on the idea;
Recovery from All Addictions is
Living One Day at a Time.
So, don’t you dare tell yourself those lies again. Do not rationalize away your desire to sin and minimize the actual impact it is going to have on you and your family and friends. Every day is a day for recovery to happen. Every temptation is not just an opportunity to fail…it is also the opportunity to succeed, to escape, to be strengthened and helped by the Spirit and those who are on your recovery team.
And if you do not have a recovery team then you are a Lone Sheep soon to be a Dead Sheep. Make your own recovery an everyday event because our enemy is always on the prowl seeking whom he is going to devour.