You can tell a lot about a person by observing the people with whom they hang out. Every parent’s nightmare is opening the front door and their daughter’s date for the evening shows up with multiple piercings and tattooed all over. Immediately you want to slam the door and restrict your daughter to her room hand-cuffed to the radiator.
Why? Because every parent has invested years of care and instruction trying to raise their child to be good and make good decisions and those decisions will be dramatically impacted by the company they keep. What if she gets hooked on heroin, gets pregnant, and catches an STD? All those thoughts can run through your mind in one split second.
However, my judging a young man at my front door as trouble for my daughter might be completely wrong. Perhaps they are the son of a man who runs a tattoo parlor, and his son was someone he could practice on. And as far as piercings go how far is too far? Earrings seem ok or perhaps even a nose stud. But a hole through their earlobe you could pass a quarter through seems excessive to me.
Now let’s look at ourselves. What about the company we keep? As a Christian who is part of a local church one might assume that the company you are keeping is all good because they are all saved. However, we would be using the wrong criteria. Or what do you think would happen if you wore the name tag…
“Hello…my name is John,
I am a sex and porn addict.”
That might decrease the number of people who want to be seen around you. Even though 60% of all the men in the congregation are also sex and porn addicts. It is an interesting conundrum. You would not want to be associated with them and so you stay within your own circle of friends and never talk about the porn pandemic…even though most of them are secretly falling into porn on a regular basis.
Interesting is it not, that it is something we desperately need to talk about so we can get help from one another, but our secret is double-locked behind the doors of fear and shame. It is the issue we most need to talk about but imagine we are the only ones, and everybody would be shocked and stunned if we were to tell the truth.
Consider with me another group of people you spend time with…the people in the porn you watch. It used to be only images…but now there are videos, people who will spend time with you live online if you are willing to pay the price. And if you pay the price, you give out your credit card information to a complete stranger that you would not give out to your best friend.
And how much time do you spend a week looking at porn? These people are the company you are keeping, and do you think they would help you recover and live a solid Christian life, or are they asking you to jump into the garbage wasteland with them for hours a week? Your friends are porn stars you will never know beyond how they look and what they do.
Now to my brothers and sisters who have become addicted to porn I seriously feel your pain and lived for years in that place of sexual brokenness. Trapped and kept silent because of my secret life…I asked God on a regular basis to rescue me and deliver me. My problem was I was a senior pastor of large churches whose deacons were far more interested in the financial bottom line of the church instead of just women’s bottoms or panty lines.
I receive emails from men almost daily crying out for help. Mostly they are asking me to pray for them…which I can and often do. However, their prayers, my prayers, and anyone else’s prayers are futile unless they are willing to take the actions necessary to begin to become unentangled from this sin that so easily has entangled us. It is not prayers they need if they are not willing to take the most basic actions everyone who is addicted to anything needs to take.
And yet, for years, they have not taken the biblical steps that are necessary because they choose to keep their deadly secret a secret even if they are secretly dying.
I have spent the last 15 years of my life trying to figure out how I could first help myself and then help others. By God’s Grace, this ministry has grown so that I can do that very thing. I send emails and podcasts to you 6 days a week to encourage you in the battle because I know that we all want to quit yet, every day we go back to the pleasures of porn. However, we realize that if we do not do something things will keep getting worse and the consequences will become more damaging.
And I find this to be true across the board of men despite their differences. Whether those differences are economic, educational, wealth or poverty, the color of our skin’s pigment, geographical location…or anything else. We all need help because we all have become addicted to one of the most powerful addictive behaviors that exists. I can find porn almost anywhere and at any time. The vast majority of it is free and I can be watching it in a matter of seconds.
We do not need to go to a bar to have a drink. We do not need to meet with a drug pusher for a fix. We do not need to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet to experience gluttony…or a casino to gamble. Porn is the perfect addiction because it is available all the time and almost anything you want is free…at least financially.
My brothers…I feel for you who are trapped in this addiction and do not believe there is help or hope for you. There is help and hope and will continue to be. My emails and podcasts will continue. We have posted on YouTube 10 videos with me teaching the Absolute Essentials of Recovery. Just go to this YouTube link –
And, as always, if any of you want to really find the real help you need sit in on one of our Zoom Online Support Teams. There are 14 of them every week and here is the schedule.
All are Eastern Standard Time – USA
Tuesday @ 4:00 pm
Tuesday @ 8:00 pm
Wednesday @ 1:00 pm
Wednesday @ 9:00 pm
Wednesday @ 9:30 pm
Thursday @ noon
Thursday @ 3:00 pm
Thursday @ 8:00 pm – Brazil OST in Portuguese
Thursday @ 8:00 pm
Thursday @ 9:15 pm – Full
Friday at Noon
Saturday @ 9:00 am
Saturday @ 9:00 pm
Sunday @ 7:00 pm