I have worked with hundreds of men who are wanting to find freedom from porn and sex. Some do great in our 180 Recovery Program and others…not so much. So, I am always wrestling with how can we help them all? Or if someone unsubscribes or leaves one of our Online Support Teams I still care about them and their recovery. As AA says…
The Program does Not Work…
Unless
You Work the Program
I understand not all programs work for everyone. I have known men who struggled for years with this issue. However, once their sin is discovered it is so devastating to the spouse and family that they are super motivated to stop…for a while. Then they discover that there are powers working against them and they need help.
Their lusts return with time if they are not dealt with. Porn is now omnipresent and available within seconds almost anywhere we are in the world with our smartphones. And with all the apps out there we can do almost anything we need to do on our phones. Talk, text, email, write, dictate, find anywhere on maps, banking, shopping, and I could go on and on. How many apps do you have on your phone? And now with 5G porn will be faster to get than ever.
Yesterday we talked about the Apostle Paul and in spite of all his accomplishments in his life when he became a follower of Christ he realized that they were as valuable as a pile of manure. In fact, they worked against him because when he relied on himself he failed. Once he had to leave town in a basket being let down by rope over the city wall at night. And yet, in spite of all the pain he suffered (see yesterday’s email) he writes…
“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward…” (Philippians 3:13-14)
Therefore, we talked about WHY this is so important in the life of a follower of Christ? And if it is so important for us to stop using porn and sex and begin living a life of sexual purity WHY is it so difficult?
First, we need to grow in Christ and become more pure. We need to do it for ourselves but not by ourselves. You and I both know that this sin is one of the most addictive behavior and in time will destroy your life. We isolate out of shame and a wall goes up between who we really are and who we are pretending to be. Maintaining that in and of itself can be exhausting.
Relationships with other people become shallow and we don’t let anyone know who we really are and what we really do. It can cost you your marriage, destroy your family, distance you from friends and co-workers…and then deep down in your darkness it has created an addiction and it is a cancer to destroy you. We are told this in Romans 6:23…
“The Wages of Sin is Death…”
But
the gracious gift of God is ETERNAL LIFE in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
This is why it is so critical for every believer to take porn and sexual sin very seriously. And yesterday we learned the first WHY of our recovery. We need to do it for ourselves. Because if your spouse does not see you working on your recovery and seeing different behaviors than when you were under the spell of porn. That will give both you and your spouse some hope that this does not have to be part of your life till you die. Healing happens and I for one have experienced it and have learned how to teach others a biblical model as well.
The second WHY is we need to do it for others. I know that most of us feel like we are such a scumbag pathetic loser that we have no value and cannot do anything for anyone. But that is a LIE!!! And believing that will leave you pinned down and getting dumped on.
Your life still has value and God can still use you in the lives of others around you. Those around you…all need you. You are a new creation in Christ and you are sealed with the Holy Spirit who dwells inside of you and by His power and His grace you can be being transformed into someone who can genuinely love and care for others again.
I coached a successful businessman once and one of the exercises we do is to add up how much their sexual sin has cost them. We try to get a bottom-line number to remind them of what they have already lost in income because of sexual sin. His number was 990,000…but if his wife divorced him the cost would skyrocket to 3.4 million dollars. And since he was a successful owner of a successful company it is not like he cannot do it. He just needed the right motivation and a team of others to help him.
Listen, when we…like Paul…begin FORGETTING what lies behind in our past and STRAINING for what lies ahead we can begin our healing. It takes a lot of work on our part however we have the reality of the Spirit living in us who can and will change us…but it will also require finding a community in which you can be healed with the help of others and then you can begin to heal others who will want to follow you.
I am working on a new series of messages on this very thing.
It’s called Pressing On with Purpose. I hope to finish it and available to you online by April 1st.
In order to begin to experience the HOW …we teach and disciple men and they begin making progress within a community of other men because two fundamental laws of recovery are…
A Lone Sheep is a Dead Sheep
And
Recovery happens in Community
Why are there so many 2.1 million AA meetings for Alcoholics? Why are there Sexaholics weekly meetings in 60 different nations around the world? Why did Jesus have 12 disciples? Because everyone needs to be in a community where they can give and receive help and it is in that community that others can help you especially in the early stages of getting through withdrawal.
Tomorrow we move on to How does a Christian begin his recovery from this highly addictive behavior.