When 180 started on February 9th of 2009 I was hoping to create a place where men who were addicted to pornography and sexual sin could meet and find help to begin recovery. I had been in my own recovery for 3+ years and wanted to continue my recovery by helping others start and continue their recovery.
Almost every follower of Christ who has become addicted to porn is being driven deeper and deeper into isolation. They are driven there because of a deep sense of shame and the intense fear of others finding out about their struggle. The longer they remain in isolation the more shame they feel and the deeper and darker they go until stopping becomes impossible. Oh sure, they will lie to themselves and reject this truth but if you are reading or listening to this you know that it is true.
Christians entangled in their sexual brokenness stay hidden because if what they have done were to be discovered it could blow up their marriage, deeply wound their wife and children, ruin their friendships, and perhaps even cost them their job/career. The higher they have climbed the ladder of success the more everything could be on the line. Especially if they are serving in a public office or have a job where other’s opinions of you could make or break your future.
That is exactly where I ended up. After 26 years of marriage with 4 wonderful kids ages 16-24, I was so mired in my own filth that my addiction led me beyond just porn and into affairs. For eight years my struggle with porn exploded into unfaithfulness and I was so lost I considered taking my own life. On the outside I appeared to be the successful Senior Pastor of a church, husband, and good family man. However, on the inside my life was a complete disaster and all the while telling myself that I could fix my problem. I cannot believe how blind I was, how deeply I was entangled in sexual sin, and how I kept lying to myself thinking I could fix it.
There were hundreds of times of repentance, confession, and empty promises but as long as I stayed alone things were only going to continue falling apart. With two kids in college and another hoping to go in 2 years, the financial pressure was tremendous and that was one of my excuses I used so that I could remain in the ministry. Sure, I was “in the ministry” but very little…if any ministry was coming from me. With the Spirit grieved and stifled and me leaning on my skills as a communicator and leader I tried to keep going when I should have resigned years ago.
I share all this garbage with you because I know that on some level you relate to that. You feel trapped. There is a secret part of your life that you cannot imagine telling anyone about without being rejected and abandoned by those closest to you. If your spouse knew the truth your marriage would be over or damaged beyond repair. If your friends knew then they would no longer want to be around you. If your kids or parents found out it would be devastating. So, deeper you go yet all the while cursing yourself, promising to stop, and failing over and over and over again.
Listen, I know that pain because I lived in it for at least 8 years and all the while being the Senior Pastor of 2 churches. I hated myself, escaping my depression only by medication and masturbation, keeping myself so busy that I did not have time to reflect on who I was, where I was going, and when would I drive off the cliff into insanity or death.
My recovery began on September 9th, 2005 when I was confronted by 3 men in our church, confessed my sin to them, I resigned, and drove home to tell my wife the worst news she could ever imagine…the truth about who I was and the things I had done.
As gut-wrenching and painful as that was to her and our kids, I knew it was what I had to do. I was so sick of myself being such a phony that I told the Lord I was placing everything, absolutely everything into His hands and I would do whatever He wanted me to do. No matter what would happen after my disclosure to my family I would seek to walk one day at a time and do whatever He wanted me to do.
So, after 3+ years of going to a men’s recovery group, some counseling, a lot of very painful days and nights it was time for me to continue my recovery by helping others begin their own recovery. So, 180 was born with Gus and me meeting with 7 guys all with the deer in the headlights look in their eyes. Desperate men who had also hit rock bottom with everything on the line. We met and we told them our stories and just a tiny flicker of hope was born in their lives.
It was not so much of what we were saying because we all know that words are cheap and men are liars. It was not our charm or skilled teachings that made a difference. It was the actions Gus and I had been taking for 3+ years, that our marriages were still surviving, and we were falling less and less back into sexual sin. We were not boasting that we were RECOVERED, but that we were walking out of our recovery every day and helping each other to do that which we had not been able to do on our own.
So, do you want to stop? I mean really, do you truly want to stop? You should have already proven to yourself that you cannot stop on your own. You can look back and see that the longer you have gone the deeper you have fallen. I know the pain and the fear of this moment…but hopefully I have convinced you that you need to end your isolation.
No Addiction Ends until Community Begins!!!
What if I told you that there is a place you can go to end your isolation? You can find a team of other men helping one another without any condemnation. Men with years of experience walking out their own recovery and wanting to help you walk out your own. AND you do not have to go to a meeting at the church or in the community, but you can join the meeting with your phone, computer, or tablet almost anywhere you can find some privacy.
I mean we are all experts finding privacy so we can act out. How about using those well-honed skills to meet with men who are helping one another? We are great at using our smartphones to find porn. How about using the same technology to find HELP!
Our 180 Ministries Community, to the best of my knowledge has grown from 9 men to about 3000 people in 60 different nations around the world. The vast majority of them receiving help daily through our emails and podcasts, others in 180 teams meeting in churches, and 130+ men meeting online for WEEKLY ACCOUNTABILITY and DAILY SUPPORT!!!
These Online Support Teams are not just a place for accountability and daily support. They are small communities of men fighting this battle together and rescuing one another from the enemy. They have become brothers in Christ standing together and bearing one another’s burdens.
So, if you think you could finally break your isolation where things are only getting worse and find a team of men willing to fight with you then please contact me. We have 12 Online Support Teams going and have been doing this for 2+ years. It is working for us and it will also work for you. We do not rush in and change you, but we will walk with you and help you do what you need to do and allow the Holy Spirit of God to begin transforming your life.
Email me – doyel@me.com.